Sometimes It's Ok To Cry
by swagUPwindowsDOWN
Summary: It's all too much, he can't hide all of his problems any longer. He needs to tell someone. And when he does, Logan learns that sometimes, it's ok to cry. For Semi Official One Shot Day 2013. It's tomorrow and this is early, but it still counts!


**Hey! **

**Wow I haven't been on here for ages! But now I'm back, and what better to come back with than a one shot for Semi-Official BTR One Shot Day! **

**Well, technically, that isn't until tomorrow, but I'm going to Spain tomorrow so wouldn't be able to take part. So instead, I'm posting on Thursday evening :)**

**I hope you all like this, there's a lot of Logan angst in here!**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

Logan stared at the blank, unanswered test paper in front of him. It was unanswered because for the past half an hour, he had been sitting there, staring at it, whilst chewing his pencil to the point where it had broke. He should have known this. He should have finished it in the first 5 minutes. It was him who was the genius of Big Time Rush. He was the one who helped James with History, Carlos with Math and Kendall with Science. And here he was, staring down at the Math paper, with not a clue how to do it. He was meant to be amazing at Math. It was supposed to be his best subject! Why didn't he know the answers? He'd flicked through the pages a million times, skimming along the questions, seeing if he had an inkling of how to work out any of them.

He didn't.

He had tried over and over. The pages themselves were filled with loads of hopeless workings that got him nowhere but a cramped up hand. He glanced around. Kendall was sitting next to him, scribbling away with a smile of accomplishment on his face. He had gotten an A on his science test and was now confident he could ace this Math test. James was on the other side, silently muttering to himself about question number 28 of 35. Carlos sat behind him, unconsciously bouncing his foot, but further ahead than him on the test and seemingly at ease with it. They had both gotten B's on their own worst subject's tests and they too knew how to do this. Logan felt his bottom lip trembling. How could they know this material and not him? He was the genius, he should know everything!

Logan had been under a lot of stress recently. First, he had to tutor his friends on the things they didn't get, before even getting a peek at what his own homework entailed. That meant endless hours going over and over the same question, explaining it multiple times. Kendall would usually get the answer after one or two explanations, but then get frustrated at himself because he thought it was such an easy answer in the first place and he'd spend a good 10 minutes ranting at himself before they got to the next question he was having trouble with. James, it was surprising to say, lacked confidence. In History, he was never sure if he was right or wrong and so needed someone there to tell him that usually he did have the right answer; he just needed to explain it more. Carlos usually took the longest to learn something, but only because he learnt in a different way to the rest of them. It took an average of eleven explanations and three role plays (apparently you can do role plays for Math) before it finally sunk in. Logan didn't mind helping his friends at all. In fact, he felt guilty that he couldn't help them more. His own homework would more often than not, be done by torch light at two in the morning. His back would kill the next day from sitting in the same chair for hours, but it had to be done.

Then, there was Gustavo always picking on him because of what a bad dancer he was. He had singled him out just the other day and made him stay after practice, on his own, for 3 whole hours, going over a spin move that the others had mastered instantly. The raven haired boy felt as though he had been the target of Gustavo's harsh temper for ages. He had suddenly turned from insulting the_ whole_ group, to shouting at just_ Logan_ and pointing out just _his_ flaws. Was he really that bad? He wasn't the best dancer, but he was a lot better than when they had started out as a band. He thought he had improved quite a bit since then, Mr X had even said so. Logan's self esteem had been seriously knocked; he found he was questioning everything he was doing. Was something right? Should he be doing this? Was that too geeky? Gustavo seemed to venture off the topic of his dancing and went on to his social life, his non-existent swagger and even how he was the least popular in the band. And Logan didn't know if he was helping the band become a success...or bringing it down. He didn't know where he stood with that anymore.

A more pressing matter had left Logan without a good decent night's sleep for about two and a half weeks. Back home in Minnesota, his mom had been the only relative he had left. She wasn't the best of moms, but she was there for him most of the time. A month ago, she had been on the way to visit him, the first time since they moved here. On the way, her car had gotten hit bit a drunken truck driver. Both of the victims in the crash had died on impact. Logan got the call that Joanna had sadly passed away, but he never told his friends. Why? He was weak enough already. He got bullied at least twice a week and he was scared of almost everything. He didn't need to start crying in front of his friends like a big baby. He didn't even go to the funeral. And now, he had social workers breathing down his neck because Mama Knight was only a temporary guardian and he had no grandparents left. He may have been 16, but he was still a kid. He didn't want to have to leave Big Time Rush and his friends to move to some distant place because he had to be fostered.

He could feel his clammy forehead dripping down onto the desk and he subtly wiped it with his sleeve. That's another thing. He was positive he was sick; the little future doctor knew he had a fever and he had started to throw up a few nights previous. The sleepless nights didn't help either. He hadn't told anyone of this either and simply had been dosing up on Tylenol for as much as was non-lethal. He coughed lightly in his arm, feeling a headache coming on. He groaned inwardly, mentally calculating that he would have to wait another 2 hours before he could have any pain relief at all. Maybe he had caught the ear infection Carlos had caught last month, from dive bombing into the pool too many times. Thinking about it, his ears were starting to ache slightly. Or how about the cold James had got right bang in the middle of summer? He had been sneezing more. Then there was Kendall who had finally admitted to a stomach virus a few weeks ago. That could be where all the vomiting had come from. But now, whilst his friends were all perfectly healthy, Logan's body decided to get all three at once.

Jason Earles was snickering in the corner and when he looked over, he made some rather rude gestures towards him, obviously saying that they would be beating him up later. His friends started to laugh, until the teacher silenced them. Logan had always suffered at the hands of bullies. Ever since he moved to Minnesota in 3rd grade, he had been seen as a target. Small, smart and scrawny, it was a disaster waiting to happen. But then Kendall, James and Carlos saw him and immediately befriended him. They swore to look after and protect him. Logan grew up getting picked on, but Kendall, James and Carlos would always give it to them ten times worse. As he got older, Logan felt as though he had become weak. They always stuck up for him and that was nice, but it meant that he couldn't stand up for himself and showed he was a coward. So when they moved to L.A., Logan stopped telling them if someone was bullying him. He already seemed spineless and pathetic; he didn't need that being made worse. For months he had endured the wrath of Jason and his crew, blaming any bruises or cuts on dance practice or him being his clumsy old self.

Miss. Collins was walking down the rows of desks and he felt her gaze upon him as she got closer. Logan would usually have finished by now, way before anyone else and it was confusing her as to why today was different. He pretended to be doing some working out as she looked at Kendall, James and Carlos. He was panicking now. If she came to check on how far done he was, she would notice how little was actually completed and start asking questions. He didn't want to look dumb in front of his classmates and friends. Thinking quickly, he flipped to the last page, staring at the questions that were one hundred times harder than at the front. If he couldn't even do the questions at the start of the test, how would he have the slightest idea with these? He could feel her presence by his desk and got a firmer grip on his pencil, writing random numbers in the complicated equation down to hopefully fool her. He had gotten a few questions wrong before, so he figured if he was working something out wrong, she would dismiss it. His plan seemed to work as she moved onto the next row. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and discretely flipped back to the _front_ of the paper. He tried and tried and tried to remember, but he just couldn't. Those tears burning in the back of his eyes came further forward when he noticed all three of his friends, _even Carlos_, checking their test papers through.

It suddenly became all too much for Logan, and the blockade against the tears broke. It started with a few, mercilessly dripping onto the paper, smudging the one answer he had written down, but was certainly wrong. Then they were falling thick and fast and of course, that just made his sniffing get worse. He tried desperately to wipe his eyes and pull himself together, but they just kept on coming and all his emotions were ganging up on him. He couldn't help the small sob that made its way out of his mouth along with a small whimper. He could see his test paper drowning in all the tears that he was producing, but they just wouldn't stop. More whimpers were let out of his mouth and he buried his face in his hands, trying to muffle them. Soon, he found himself full on crying, no longer being able to hold back. He could feel people staring at him. He could feel his friends starting to get up to comfort him, but a voice interrupted them.

"Logan? Are you ok?"

It was Miss. Collins. She walked over and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. She failed to get a response from the crying boy and asked quieter "Would you like to come outside? Come on, that's it."

He slowly rose from his seat, bringing his hands away from his red rimmed eyes and proceeded to follow her out of the classroom, not daring to look back at the class, especially his friends. She took him away from the classroom, round a corner and towards a seated area so that she could talk to him. She also thought that it might help him to relax slightly. Logan sat down on one of the sofas, Miss. Collins joining him on the same sofa.

"Do you want to tell me what has you so upset, Logan?" her voice was so gentle and soft, but it was the question that caused Logan to start sobbing again. If he told her, she would think he was stupid. He was her star student, not only in Math but in every area of the curriculum. He was working beyond college level. So if he told her that he couldn't understand anything on this extremely easy test, not only would she think he was incredibly dumb, but she would be so, _so_ disappointed in him. And he especially couldn't tell her about his other problems.

"Logan" she sighed and placed a hand on his back, rubbing it comfortingly. "You know you can tell me anything in confidence, right?" She asked. She waited for an answer and saw him shaking his head. "It's true, you can, and I promise I won't tell anyone anything unless you want me to" she told him reassuringly.

"I-I c-c-can't!" Logan managed to get out between sobs. He started shaking his head back and forth continuously, sobbing those two words over and over. He became hysterical, sobs shaking his entire form as his cheeks turned red from all the effort. Miss. Collins tried to talk to him, repeating that he could every time he denied it. Eventually, she just pulled him into her arms, shushing him and still rubbing his back.

Logan's face wasn't just red from the effort now; he was also blushing like crazy. He was acting like a big baby in front of his teacher, crying into her shoulder whilst she hugged him. No one cried in front of their teacher, let alone _sobbed _into their shoulder. But here he was, wailing like a little child in her arms. Logan was sure thankful that no one was around to see or hear him. If they were, he was positive he wouldn't ever hear the end of it.

"Logan" Miss. Collins decided she would try one last time when the boy in front of her seemed to be calming down slightly. "Please, tell me what's wrong. I don't know what happened, you were almost finished with the Math test and then-"

"But I wasn't!" Logan shouted, interrupting her. Miss Collins was surprised that Logan, with his shyness and soft nature, would shout at her. But she knew that in this emotional state, anything was possible.

"I flipped to the back so that you would think I was finished" she heard him whisper. "I hadn't done it, I _couldn't _do it."

"Why couldn't you do it Logan? I thought you understood it."

"I-I..." Logan figured that he should finally admit it, finally tell his teacher what was wrong. Maybe she could help, maybe she would understand. Maybe.

"I didn't understand any of it. I thought I did, but then I had to help my friends revise for everything else and then by the time I looked over it again...nothing made sense."

"Oh Logan" she sighed. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have given you some help or if it was really too late, an extra day to revise. Just because you're meant to be really good at Math doesn't mean you'll always get everything."

"Yeah, but Kendall, James and Carlos got it so easily! If they can do it, then it should be a breeze for me. I'm meant to be the smart one."

"Logan, just because they got it doesn't mean you will. You are smart, even if you don't get this one, little thing." She told him gently.

"But if I'm not smart, how can I be the smart one? And if I'm not the smart one, then who am I?" Logan whimpered and Miss. Collins was sure her heart broke for the small boy. She took him gently by the shoulders, so that he was looking at her.

"Then you're Logan. Sweet, caring, loving Logan, who is incredibly loyal to his friends, helps out anyone and is extremely selfless. I've seen you, inside and outside of class and as well as being smart, which you are, you're so much more."

"Thanks, Miss. Collins."

"You're welcome" she looked into his eyes and saw past his barriers to still see lots of hidden pain "but it's not just the Math test that has you so upset, is it?"

Logan started to say that nothing else was wrong, but thought better of it. This time he was going to tell her everything.

"W-well...someone...they might be...b-bullying m-me?" curse his stupid nervous stutter, but he decided to tell her the easiest thing first. Although, it came out more like a question.

"Might be? Logan, are you being bullied, sweetie?" Miss. Collins sighed when Logan gave her a hesitant nod. "Is it Jason and his friends?" the look of surprise on the genius' face was enough to say that she had guessed right.

"How did you know it was him?"

"Let's call it a teacher's intuition, shall we?" she gave him a friendly wink. "But don't worry; I'll see to it that he and his friends are dealt with properly. We don't tolerate bullying here. You're safe now."

"Miss Collins? Um...there's something else..."

"I figured, but you can tell me anything."

"My mo-I don't feel too good" he said abruptly. He was almost going to admit his biggest problem, but decided against it. That was too personal.

"Why didn't you say so? I wouldn't be mad, how are you feeling?"

Logan took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck. "Hot and cold at the same time, clammy, nauseated, I have a massive headache too" now that he said all of this, he realised he was pretty stupid not to have told someone sooner.

"Logan, you shouldn't hide something like this. Rather than coming into class and trying to learn when you clearly can't because you're feeling ill, you should be in bed and taking medicine. And there's the chance you could get others sick. You should know that."

Logan ducked his head in embarrassment and shame. Of course he knew that he could pass on his illness to other students, what with him wanting to be a future doctor and all.

"But you don't have to stick it out here anymore, I'll call Mrs. Knight for you and you can go home."

Logan now had two options. He could A. Thank Miss. Collins for her help and wait until Mama Knight arrives to take him back to the apartment, other two problems still a secret or B. Tell Miss. Collins about the other two problems and finally get them off of his chest, finally talk to someone about them.

And Logan decided that this time, he wasn't going to be pathetic, or a coward, or a loser. He was going to be brave. And that meant opening up more and breaking down those final barriers.

"Gustavo keeps singling me out" he whispered, kind of not sure if he really wanted her to hear, but apparently she did anyway.

"Singling you out?"

"Yeah, he shouts at just me now. About how I can't dance or sing, have no swagger or social status, no appeal to girls...nothing. He makes me stay hours after practice with Mr. X, doing a dance routine that I can't get or I'm no good at."

Miss. Collins knew from experience that Gustavo liked to shout. _A lot_. The man was just a big, raging ball of infuriated energy. But, although angry and extremely intimidating at times, he was a good producer and she could see that he had done a lot for these boys to make them what they were now. However, she had never heard or seen him singling anyone out and choosing to just take his anger out on one person and that person shouldn't be Logan of all people. Everyone knew Logan's self esteem was pretty shot anyway.

"And is he always just shouting and picking on just you? Every single training session and rehearsal?" She watched as he nodded. "Logan...this is even worse than the bullying with Jason and his friends. Gustavo is a grown man, he should know better. And because Gustavo is such a...lively man, it doesn't help with such a fierce persona to start doing this."

"But he's right."

"No Logan." She told him sternly, the first time her voice had hardened since he started crying. "He isn't right. Just because someone says you're something, be it bad or good, doesn't mean you are. You can be what you want to be. Don't believe anything bad he says about you Logan, ok?"

"O-ok...Miss Collins?"

"Yes?"

"I-I...I want my mom"

"Well, she can't fly out here just like that, you know that. But you can call her. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't you call her anyway?"

Logan's bottom lip trembled again as his eyes grew shiny with yet more unshed tears. Miss. Collins didn't know why he was getting so upset again; she thought that he had told her everything.

Logan gulped. "Not anymore."

"What do you mean, Logan? I'm afraid I'm not getting what you're trying to say."

A small, choked sob escaped out of Logan's quivering mouth and a fear tears slipped out. Another sob escaped before he wailed...

"Because she's dead!"

* * *

Logan didn't remember much from then. He knew that after he had broken into hysterical sobs again and nothing Miss. Collins said would calm him down. He remembered seeing the teacher taking him into her arms once again and then retrieving her phone from her pocket. He assumed that she was texting someone, probably Mama Knight. He cried and cried for what seemed like ages.

And now he was waking up in his room, the curtains drawn, but streams of light seeping through. He whimpered slightly as he remembered everything he could. Then he heard talking outside. Slowly getting up out of his bed, he walked over and pressed his ear to the door. The faint murmurings of his friends and Mama Knight could be heard and he figured that they now knew everything. One of the boys probably had to have carried him up here and placed him in his bed.

Wiping away a stray tear, Logan opened his door with trembling hands and descended down the hallway. The talking became louder and he could clearly decipher what the subject was.

"I can't believe we never noticed all of this!" that was Kendall, sure to be getting annoyed that he couldn't have protected Logan from all of his massive secrets. Kendall tried to help his friends and sort out their problems as best as he could. He liked to know all of their problems so that he could make them go away. After all, he was the leader and he felt that it was his job to make sure that all of his friends were ok.

"I can't believe how he managed to act all happy and like nothing was wrong this whole time. For months!" James exclaimed. Like Kendall, he got frustrated. James was a comforter, but in a different way to Kendall. He just sat and held you when you cried without talking or saying anything. James noticed little details, little things that could be wrong. No doubt he was annoyed he didn't recognise something was wrong with Logan.

"I hope he's ok" Carlos budded in. Carlos was the person to cheer everyone up when they were down. He used anything he could to make the sad person happy again. Anyone could tell that Carlos knew this wasn't a simple problem that could be fixed with a few jokes. No, in fact, Carlos sounded determined and scared at the same time. Maybe he realised that this would take a while to fix.

They all turned around when they heard Logan enter the room. No one moved at first. No one was sure what to say.

Then, slowly, his friends came forward.

"You know?" Logan asked nervously. They nodded.

"Yeah. Don't worry about explaining it all now. We can do that some other time. We're here for you, Logie. We always will be" James told him softly.

Logan's eyes were getting watery again.

Carlos sighed and smiled sympathetically. "C'mere" he said, bringing Logan into his arms. Logan's barriers almost broke and he bit his lip to keep from crying again. Soon, Kendall and James joined the hug as well. Logan felt someone's hand rubbing up and down his back and another stroking his hair.

"It's ok to cry, Logie" Kendall whispered "you can cry."

And with that, Logan broke down all over again. But this time, his friends were there to hold him up. They were there to comfort him and would be there for him all through this tough time, remaining there for life. They made him see that he shouldn't keep his problems from them ever again and that he should tell someone if something was bothering him. And most of all, they made him realise one thing:

Sometimes, it's ok to cry.

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**There it was! I hope you guys liked it!**

**I would love it if you reviewed! They are so nice to read and let me know that what I have written is at least half good :P **

**I hope you all have a great Semi-Official BTR One Shot Day!**

**~swagUPwindowsDOWN :) x**


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